Let me start by saying that I am totally against home schooling. For me. For Cucidati. I am more than qualified to teach my children (if I had any) at home. I hold multiple degrees and a certification. I know my fair share about child psychology. Afterall, in the classroom, you sometimes have to think like a parent. Does this mean that if you are a parent and you have that down pat that you are qualified to teach your kids at home?
My first reason against home schooling is lack of credentials. Some states actually require you be certified to teach in the home. Why is that such an atrocity? I was in a local dollar store and a woman ahead of me commented on the cheapness of school supplies and classroom decorations or some such nonsense. Being that I really hate talking in long lines, I had no choice but to engage her. The minute I opened my mouth to agree that it was wonderful that there was a low cost alternative to classroom decoration, she laid it on me. She began preaching the wonders and joys of home schooling. This came completely out of left field. She asked what I was certified in and I told her. She then said “You should consider a certification in home schooling!” In my head I am thinking that she is a total whack job looking to force her views on anyone willing to listen. I scramble for a response. ”I really rather prefer teaching in schools. Beside that, I have no children at the moment and if I did, I would send them to public/private school.” She lunged back in a pleasant but forceful way. ”My daughter had to move to Virginia because Pennsylvania wouldn’t allow her to home school without a certification. Can you believe that?” Again, in my head and then right out of my mouth comes the following line. ”I think it’s in the best interest of the students that a parent is qualified to teach a subject.” There is much more that goes into teaching than behavior management and ABC’s. There is lesson planning, unofficial lesson planning that comes with teaching social norms to children, and a whole host of state guidelines that must be met. She kindly paid for her things, wished me luck, and went on her way. The remaining shoppers and cashier all agreed that home schooling wasn’t an option they would be choosing.
Social development is another hot button issue. How can you teach a child about social interaction when it is just you and him? How does he learn proper behavior with children and with adults? Add in a few more siblings and yes, he has interaction but not with anyone in the real world. Particularly “religious” people choose this life for their children because they think they are protecting them [the children] from the evils of the world. Case in point: The Duggars. The only social interaction their children get (besides each other) are friends from church or other Christian families. It is their [Jim Bob and Michelle] right to decide how to raise their children. I also get that there are certain things that you don’t want your children exposed to. You don’t want them to see kids who may be different than they are, spiritually. You might fear their departure from your control could lead to “bad things.” I get it, I really do.
So what happens to kids who only see one view of the world? I know several such “kids” who are adults now and it’s a crap shoot. One girl was literally bound to the home for 18 years. The minute she was “allowed” to go to trade school she went wild. She wasn’t even allowed to attend college. Now I say allowed. Allowed in this case is all about still allowing your parents to control your life well after you have been granted legal adult status. It wasn’t like she said “Mom, Dad, I want to run off and join a biker gang, tat myself up, and practice Santeria!” She wanted to go to college. Again, this brings me back to another topic of purity balls and oppressive male figures. Another time. The boy did fairly well. He maintained his spirituality, went to college and was well adjusted. Then again, he is a male. Surely he could take care of himself! Allegedly. Keep in mind, two different people, two different families, both home schooled.
I don’t think it’s necessarily an evil thing to do to your children. If your basis is that they aren’t getting a good education, I then come back to my original point. A teacher does not a parent make. Neither would I claim to know how to parent your child the way only you can. Unless you are coming from a state with extremely low requirements for teachers, this argument does not hold water.
I won’t make this post very long but there is something I need to say. In the last few years I was able to put a word on what a sibling and I experienced growing up. It robbed us of our childhood and our right to ever feel truly secure with another human being. It took away our joy and our right to bring joy and happiness to others.
Out of four siblings, only two of us got the unpleasant distinction of being emotionally abused. I would say physically abused but I have seen physical abuse and while our parent liked to use corporeal punishment, it was bearable. In fact, looking back, hitting us would have been preferential to the emotional abuse we endured. The other two siblings never once experienced this trauma. In fact, to talk about it now, the siblings deny it ever happened to us. We were “bad”, “rotten”, “bitches” who got on a parent’s nerves. It wasn’t until I read A Child Called It by David Pelzer that I realized how one parent could possess a distinct hatred for one or more children and love the others.
There is no visible rhyme or reason as to why this parent chose this rationale. It would be a much deeper examination of this parent’s childhood that would reveal the answer but they guard their secrets like Fort Knox. They live in denial. Fortunately, there is a family member who is always willing to tell you of their experiences both good and bad.
Why am I telling you all of this? Why am I stating the obvious? Children hurt easily. They don’t have to be in an abusive setting to get damaged. They are damaged enough by unkind words and actions. They get heartache at school as well. All I am asking is that the next time you are working with children or are in the company of a niece or nephew, say a kind word. That kind word will make more of a difference than you will ever know.
Prominent Private Investigator Says Reese Hopkins is ‘100% Innocent’ | Glenn Sacks on MND
Reese Hopkins (pictured) is a 39-year-old former Boston radio host who was arrested in October on charges of forcible and statutory rape of a 12-year-old g…
via Prominent Private Investigator Says Reese Hopkins is ‘100% Innocent’ | Glenn Sacks on MND.
In my old age, I like to keep to myself. Gone are the days of clubbing and 5 am stroll ins. I gladly traded in all of my heels (except for special occasions) and tight clothing. Give me a pair of flat shoes and jeans and I am in 7th heaven. The idea of standing in a bar for hours no longer appeals to me. Apparently, my BF sees it differently. He enjoys going out to a dive bar and having in depth conversation over a few beers. That’s fine but it’s just not for me. If you asked me to compromise I would tell you, give me a wine bar where it’s quiet with a little jazz music playing in the background where you can get together and gossip with the girls while the guys talk their man talk. That’s compromise.
This brings me to the present. We are supposed to meet some friends in a few weeks. We haven’t seen them in awhile. It would be nice to get together and relax as we have established, I am no socialite. I get word yesterday that these friends were invited to a party out of town. Bummer, I would have like to have seen them. You think it ends there? NO! My boyfriend proceeds to tell me that he worked it out with the couple. We can go with them and crash on their floor for the night…on an air mattress…with them in the room…Um, no. While that may have been practical in my twenties, I am not that hard up for cash that I can’t get a hotel room somewhere. The joys of being in your thirties…money and common sense.
To top it off, we weren’t even officially invited to this party. AND…it’s in an entirely whole new place. I mean crossing state lines 6 hours away! Is it me or is this all a bit much to do on a Saturday to Sunday basis? I don’t know these people very well. We did vacation with them but I didn’t feel entirely comfortable with them. Top that off with the never ending questions about when we are getting married. I just can’t deal with that given the gravity of recent events. Knowing that my BF isn’t ready to get married after all this time threw me for a loop and naturally, I don’t want to be around other, married couples.
I think if this pressure didn’t exist, I may be able to enjoy going places with him like I used to. I like showing him off and vice versa. I am trying to be the bigger person and go for his sake. I actually thought that when he said he wanted to go away, he meant just us, just to clear our heads from all of the mindless bickering. I know what will happen. We will get a hotel room, he will drink, I will not because I will be stuck driving. I will be sober and reminded of hos much fun I am not having.
Do I need to man up and go? Should I put this card in my back pocket and use it for something really important?
*Editor’s Note*
After all of this nonsense, it turns out that my BF got the date wrong! It is actually 10/30. Now I have a $60 costume sitting up in my closet and a wig to match. I have to laugh.
Of course He does. He is all knowing! Well, today, I got a letter. It was not just a form letter. It was a handwritten letter on pretty church stationary. It was from a local Baptist church one town over. I just moved to a new address so I wasn’t sure how they even got my info and so far no one is fessing up.
What’s the big deal you ask? The big deal is that one of the church members who wrote this letter actually mentioned that she wasn’t sure if I was settled into my new home yet but if I was, it would be “an honor” to have me worship at their church. She went on to “sell” her church as a place to make friends and fit in. She said there was a place for everyone. How nice.
Not only did they somehow get very personal information, they went on to include an insert on addictions and how I could be rescued from them. Addictions? Did someone tell these people I had addictions? Then I thought, what exactly am I addicted to? Friends, I will confess my addictions here and now. I am addicted to the internet (facebook mostly, wordpress, and twitter), ITunes (podcasts mostly), Talk Radio, and food. So I wonder just who has been talking about me, who thinks I need to be “saved”, and who wants me to go to their church. It’s very disconcerting. If they know so much about me, they would also know I was a Catholic, recently converted in the last 5 years.
My next point, and it is a big one, happens to be speaking on behalf of God. I would never profess to speak on behalf of God. I have no idea what goes on in His head. I don’t know how He deals with solving world hunger, war, and making sure the Dolphins win 
. All kidding aside, I am pretty sure He doesn’t need me to relay messages for Him. For example, I am pretty sure God knows I am Catholic. He knows I know Him and He knows I am pretty tight with His son. After all, we have been chatting for years. So why would this nice church member tell me that God has called her to have me worship at her church? I was a born again for a brief time in my life and it’s safe to say, NEVER AGAIN. I pretty much realized what was up early on and left, never to look back.
When people write such things, are they meaning to say that even though I found God my own way, somewhere, somehow, God made a mistake and now wants me to be a Baptist? I am pretty sure that God does not make mistakes. I also wonder what makes this woman and those like her think that anyone not exclusive to their way are lost or somehow misguided. I am not even talking different religions. I am exclusively talking within Christianity.
To end my little rant, I responded to the number on the nice letter. My message was something like this: “Hi church member, my name is Cucidati Giugilegni and I received a letter from you this afternoon. While I thought it was beautifully written and I am grateful for the invitation, I regret to inform you that I am Catholic and to break with my church and attend yours would be breaking a pretty big rule. Thank you again, I wish you all the best.”
Do you think they got the point? Do you think she will be sending more info out to me? I can tell you with absolute certainty, this is NOT over. I am pretty sure I have now been put into the “needs extra saving” pile and I will be on prayer lists and no doubt may even receive a home visit. When does it stop?
First off, let me send a shout out to one of the, if not the, best blogs on relationships. www.relationtheory.com
The author, Samuel Kim, takes a look at dating from a real world view. He not only debunks some of the old school ways of doing things, but he calls to action, our part in relationships. This dude is real and honest and that is what drew me to his site. He blogged on many things I did but he had the frijoles to actually post challenging questions that many people, especially Christians, were afraid to tackle.
Among topics are prophetic abuse and courtship. If anyone on the web has ever had the good fortune (or misfortune) to read about my relationship stories then you know that prophetic abuse is at the top of my list. Prophetic Abuse in my definition, is when a man or woman uses the word of God to deceive another man or woman of which they want to date. This can include “hearing” from God that “this is the one” that you have been praying for. When in all actuality, it’s more like that other person was preying on you.
I want to briefly outline an instance from my other life. When I finish this story, you will see why I refer to it as my “other life.” I had a rough breakup with a guy who happened to be Jewish at a time where I was extremely vulnerable. I was also struggling with my religious identity. I identified myself as a non-denominational Christian. I didn’t quite fit in anywhere. During this time, I recalled what some Super Christian (SC) friends had said to me. ”You’re unequally yoked.” or “God will make sure this relationship doesn’t work.” or my personal favorite “I’m going to pray that this relationship doesn’t work out.” What? Who prays for bad things to happen? At least that was my initial thought.
Fast forward about 6 or 7 months. I was still pretty jaded and sad but I knew my relationship was not meant to be. We were just too different. In retrospect it really wasn’t religion that did us in. We were just two different personalities trying to become what the other wanted, unsuccessfully. I dabbled in online dating. Epic disaster! I found that just because a person said he was a Christian didn’t mean he practiced Christianity. I was super intense into my faith and I didn’t really know if God was in the business of sending “the one.”
I was at work one Saturday and my coworker and close friend was unable to fill in for the regular guy. Instead, they sent a very green 21 year old. He thought he knew his stuff. He knew his craft but he really didn’t have much life experience. We got to talking as that is all you could really do during the long downtimes. I picked up that he was a Christian just by a few things he said. I asked him and he confirmed. While very cool to talk too, there was enough of an age gap to almost be generational. I believe I was 27.
Weeks went by and he became the permanent replacement. I enjoyed our talks. He helped me to move back into the swing of things by giving me encouraging words. During this time, he sought my advice on his current girlfriend who was of all things Catholic. GASP! Apparently, to him, being Catholic wasn’t really Christian. Forget that they believe most of the same things. They have some different practices but this guy didn’t consider them on his level. He felt they were inferior. After all, his was was the only way. He broke up with the current girlfriend to pursue a Christian girl that he knew through the very incestuous and small circle they all ran in. The problem? Christian girl’s dad wanted her to court. This family was so strict that the girl was home-schooled for fear the wrong influences would affect her. He was only allowed to take her out on dates if he took all of her siblings along too. I am not a fan of this method at all!
During this time, he began making advances toward me. Not the kind of advances like throwing me down on the desk and having his way or even making inappropriate suggestions. He began IM’ing me while he was at work. He worked nights and I worked days. We talked on IM and he offered more encouraging words but things changed. He began to tell me of my awesomeness and beauty and general goddesness. He talked about how my ex hurt me and how he wished he could have saved me from that. Still, I knew he was too young. Yet he spoke like he was my age. Very odd is what I thought but I started to fall for him. I even told him to stop while he was ahead because it’s an improbable scenario. He didn’t.
He began taking me to church. We both agreed we had a mutual connection, albeit spiritual, a connection none the less. Meanwhile, Christian girl and the great courtship didn’t quite work out. The more time we spent together, the more in like we fell. There was no physical contact at this point. He began bringing me flowers at home. He called me all the time. He even stopped by my apartment just to say hi for a few minutes after his shift ended. Soon, we started hanging out at work together. Let me say BIG MISTAKE! Anyway, we kissed one night. I must say, while it was nice, there wasn’t that spark that I think speaks louder than anything. He began waxing philosophical about how this must be of God. God must have hand picked me for him. Blah Blah Blah “>Blah Blah freaking Blah. Of course, I believed it at the time because I was vulnerable and I wanted it to so very much be true.
He had special dates prepared. One date was in a lovely ski village. We had dinner there, walked through a festival and even designated our very own romantic spot in a gazebo at the center of town. The next date was on a very famous body of water. At least the restaurant was on the water. Of course he was full of this conceited, puffy chest, confidence. The next date was out to a lake complete with a picnic and hot chocolate and stuffed animals. Soon after, he began to tell me he loved me (three weeks I believe). Then came the idea of him marrying me followed so closely by naming our children. It got to be much but I was so sure God set this man forth to be my husband that I ignored the obvious signs of warning.
He insisted that we keep our relationship secret as we were coworkers and it could negatively affect our work. Point taken. This was logical. We also didn’t want people to make a big deal of it. He began to refer to me as his girlfriend but introduce me as his friend to other friends. I met his family for the holidays, still only introduced as his friend. I am certain his parents knew there was more going on. In fact, his mom didn’t like me because she thought I was too old, too opinionated, and way too physically fit for her tastes. Later I found out that Mom wanted someone just as heavy and miserable and controlled as she was. So NOT me!
Flash back to Catholic ex-girlfriend. Thought she was gone right? WRONG! Apparently, they were in negotiations a few months into our relationship. She wanted to get back together with him. The worst part? He was willing to listen. He assured me that there was nothing there yet he still spoke to her. This girl became a royal thorn in my side. Again, because God “ordained” this, I ignored the giant red flag in front of my face. God ordered this. It was meant to be. Screw everything else including logic.
After about seven bouquets of flowers and as many months of dating, he, the man who planned our wedding, and named our babies, said we needed to remove our title of boyfriend/girlfriend, stop planning a wedding, and stop talking about our unborn children. Still, I complied. (Right now, I hate the person I was. Spineless!) We began late night prayer sessions together. We prayed for our relationship. Again, I still believed I had nothing to worry about and all of this anxiety and panic I was experiencing was just God’s test.
He wrote me a letter about a year into the relationship. He basically told me that he wanted to get back with the ex and he didn’t know if it would work out but he had to try. Like a sly female, I used my wiley ways to get him back. This worked 2-3 times. We prayed, I prayed, people prayed for us. Then came the ultimate screw you. The ex decided it was time they talk about bringing their relationship back. Apaprently, he was torn. He told me that he needed to hear her out. He told me that he would have an answer for me on June 12. After their meeting, he would call me. Like an a$$hole, I agreed. I waited for the phone to ring. It did. He didn’t have an an answer for me but he wanted to continue seeing both of us. I figured if I monopolized his time, he wouldn’t be able to see her and I was successful to a point.
He was so sly, he said we needed to pray and absolved the building of all the evil spirits that were present. After all, why take responsibility for your own actions when it must be an evil spirit sent from Satan himself? I begged him not to attempt to exorcise the building as he was not qualified nor was he spiritually mature. He wanted to part of my warnings. He began to put holy oil over each doorway and lay hands on the exterior of the building. Being that I am very into the spiritual goings on around us, I knew this was bad. It was so bad that he began having horrible nightmares and a feeling of an unsettling absence of peace.
There is a happy ending to this story. I finally dumped him that December. I gave him the business. I told him what was what and wanted nothing to do with him. He insisted on asking me out for dinner. I went like an idiot and then I wouldn’t hear from him. This happened twice. The second time we went to dinner and he told me how my family wasn’t exactly good enough for his. They were Italian, lived in the city (not the burbs like he did), and I had some folks in my family that had a child out of wedlock. Big freakin deal! So after a final intense make out session (of which I am not proud in retrospect) after which he told me that there was a good chance we would be getting engaged, I didn’t hear from him. I got this man a job. I nearly double his salary by one phone call. My thanks? A Dear John letter that went something like this:
Dear Cucidati,
Because we are such good friends, there is something I must tell you. I have met someone that I have feelings for and I would like to pursue it. I thought because we were friends, you should know. I wish you all the best.
Yours in Christ,
Douche Bag
WOW! It wasn’t the ex and it wasn’t the courtship girl. It was someone new he had met at bible study. Interestingly enough, that make out session we had was fully one month after they started dating. He met her at a bible study and she, like me, was a vulnerable soul that he sought to prey upon. God knows what he told her. I was bitter and angered but also free and I had a sense of peace. My friends took me out and we went for drinks and did things that normal people do.
After a month or two, people started asking questions and I provided them with the truth. It was my mission to let people know what a degenerate user and prophetic abuser this cat was. Turns out, people actually came to ME to tell me that there was yet another girl before me whom he had done the same thing to. Unfortunately, this unknowing victim dumped her fiance’ for this ass hat. Once the deed was done and she went to him to tell him the good news, he revealed to her that he was “going back to the Catholic ex.” So apparently this is his MO.
He has since been married. So that you know, all of their dates were exact replicas of ours. Our dates were exact replicas of the relationship prior. I only feel sorry for this girl and hope she is not taken advantage of as well. He is best defined as a sociopath. To read more on it, see my post by the same subject.
I was left with severe panic and anxiety attacks as well as a gigantic reduction in my faith in God and Super Christians. I stopped going to church. I eventually lessened my panic and anxiety to a dull roar but occasionally a traumatic reminder rears its ugly head when someone does something remotely reminiscent. My faith is slowly coming back as I learn to realize that people are not perfect and that God does not get involved in such trivial matters (or so I believe). I realize that there are certain sects of Christianity are not to be trusted because God is not their central focus. More importantly, I learned who I was and where I belonged. Our nice friends at the Catholic church welcomed me with open arms. They never questioned my past or my decision to move forward. Instead, they let me come back to my faith on my own terms and for that I am truly grateful!
Ever wonder just who you pissed off in a past life? Regardless of whether you believe in them or not, ever have one of those day, months, years, lives where everything and anything could go wrong? Seriously, I must have been a real tool to someone. Karma is definitely coming back at me with a vengeance.
Simple things that happen for most people in the course of a lifetime seem to be feats of death for me. Take for example, getting engaged. I have been with my SO for over 4 1/2 years. He says he wants to marry me. He also says he has to save because we will be paying for our own nuptials. Ok. So tell me why I couldn’t have at least gotten a ring by now? I hate to be that guy. You know, the one friends refer to when you do something that only that guy would do. I get it, I am a girl, figure of speech. Anyway, that guy compares his relationship to everyone around. He uses that one couple as the gold standard to which all relationships should apply. Friends, I am that guy. However, it’s not one relationship, it seems to be all of them. Everyone around us is engaged or married. With the exception of one couple who had extenuating circumstances, they were all together for a little over a year before they got engaged. Some made less than we do. They made it happen.
Anyway, after a hellish week of three engagements (none of which were mine) and one wedding of an ex, I pretty much lost my mind temporarily last night. I got so indignant that I left my apartment. My boyfriend called me frantically asking me to come back and calm down. An act that nearly got me pulled over for talking on a cell phone while hysterically mad. In retrospect, I know I overreacted. How much should one take before you can’t take anymore?
Can someone, anyone shed some light or shoot me words of wisdom? Please don’t tell me to pray. I have done that and so far, not quite getting any answers.
**Editor’s Note**
Apparently, this is all my fault. My “obsession” with getting married apparently started when we moved in together. Never mind the fact that his “obsession” with financial planning started BEFORE we moved in together. Something’s gotta give.
I was recently watching an episode of Mad Men and one of the characters, Joan, was debating table etiquette with her husband. She said that according to Eloise, the man is always the head of the table in his home. The husband replied that his boss should be seated at the head in this particular instance because it’s what is expected.
Question of the Day
Do you still use proper etiquette? Do you still set the table with all of the dishes and utensils in certain order? Do you excuse your self from the table to “powder your nose” if your a lady. Do you hold a door open if your a man? Have we gotten away from etiquette and chivalry and replaced it with the fear of feminist backlash and just plain rudeness?
Place Settings
I can’t tell you the last time I intentionally did a proper place setting at a dinner table. I think I made sure all of the utensils matched, were on a napkin, and a glass was included. That could be due to my more than modest upbringing. By no means were we rich and we certainly didn’t throw dinner parties. We threw parties that were mostly buffet style. All the food fit for a King yet consumed by peasants. We actually did have good dishes and silverware that were put out on the holidays but that stopped. I think learning place setting for giggles might be fun. I have always wanted to try it but have not had the occasion to do so.
Powdering the Nose
Again, don’t think I have ever used this term. I politely excuse myself from a group of people by saying “Be right back!”
Doors, Long Lines, and Old People
I would generally say that I still prefer a man to open a door for me. In fact, I expect it. I expect a woman or a child to hold the door for me. I do the same. I am always impressed by a small child holding a door for me. That tells me that some manners still live on. When I am in a long line and I have two items and the person in front of me has two carts, I certainly don’t expect them to let me skip ahead but it is always nice when they do. It shows consideration on their part. I do the same. I also loan my rewards card to those who may need it. I will occasionally put a penny in for a needy stranger who is just one short. I also go out of my way to help older people, disabled people or people who are vertically challenged. If they need something up high on a shelf, what the hell. I will get it. It only takes two seconds and you just made someones life richer by two seconds.
Tipping
I still tip. I will double the tax in a restaurant. I will tip a delivering man a little extra if the restaurant doesn’t charge delivery fees. I particularly tip great hair stylists well unless the salon is theirs and they are pocketing 100% of the profit. Then I adjust accordingly. I did tip a quarter one time to prove a point to a waitress who was rude, insulting, and negligent in her responsibility to our table for the entire evening.
I think children in general are not being taught proper manners. I know that lies in parents and teachers to do but is this a lost art? I am not saying that we should teach little ones how to set a table for an elaborate dinner party but at least teach the “excuse me, please, and thank you” manners. So what do you think? How important are manners? Do you use them? Do you employ etiquette on a daily basis? Is it a dying art?
